Floored.

     God, I hate flooring - even more than I ever did. I'm running on Lucozade and Ibuprofen at the moment. Laminate flooring is cursed - how can an inanimate product have a mind of its own? One end fits in, the other end pops out, the other end goes in and the first end pops out. One piece goes in immediately, the next piece takes twenty minutes to go in. 

Luckily, the chimney breast and the flooring matched exactly - so, no nasty cutting. For once.

 Here are the tools you need when laying laminate flooring.

 A Workmate is invaluable. Workmates are brilliant, so useful for any DIYer. Save up your pennies and buy one - you will never regret it. With a little imagination, there are so many things you can do with it. Every home should have one.

,

From left to right : -

•  Rubber headed mallet -  hit your flooring without damaging it.
• Claw hammer - for heavier hitting.
• Pad saw - cutting flooring to length. I've tried electric jig saws but no matter how fine a blade you use, electric saws seem to chip the edges of laminates.
• Stepped tapping block - used to tap each piece into place, ensuring a snug, tight joint.
• Draw hook - used to move lengths nearer or further away from walls. May damage the edge, so use with care.
• Set square and pencil - use to mark lengths, giving true, square line to cut to.
• Pincers - for removing old pins, tacks, etc from the floor, also can be used to nibble pieces of the laminate away, for nasty little corners and so on.

 Never, ever be tempted to pin, nail or glue laminates in place. Moisture and temperature cause expansion and shrinkage, so the whole matrix needs to be able to move. Leave a gap of between 5 and 10 millimetres all around the room to allow for this. You can cover the gap with quarter-round dowelling, pinned or glued to the skirting boards - NOT the flooring.

How things look now - I need to cut the final pieces along the length of each board to fit the space. But not tonight - I've had enough. Luckily, tomorrow is time up for the Warmaline paste drying, so I can get back to papering. I don't mind papering. Papering is not laying flooring. God, I hate flooring.

To cheer myself up, I am now going to drink a bottle of Shepherd Neame Amber Ale, smoke some French tobacco, and watch an Horizon documentary about black holes in space on BBC4.

I've used four packs of Oak Plank Effect Laminate Flooring from B & Q, which was on offer for £12 per pack.

Costs : -

Laminate flooring 

Four packs at £12. 00                                         £48.00

Running total - £126.60